hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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