Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
