GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
