I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
