if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Randomize
