I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
