Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
