Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
