is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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