I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
