I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
