He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
