There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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