What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
