so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i drank out of a bidet.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
