woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
