Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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