I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
