you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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