That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
