Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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