After last night, I could never be a politician.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This baby is an asshole
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
