She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
