I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
