Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
