okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
