I'm really into asian looking animals
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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