i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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