a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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