erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want a musical about memes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
