i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
