You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
