i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
