Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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