You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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