I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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