I think i peed on brittanys purse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
