Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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