She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this will be a night to untag.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
