White coat. Heels.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
