So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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