we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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