Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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