it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
