And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
