I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
