I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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