Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
