i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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