I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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