didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
