When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
